I'm Smiling For You
An one-shot involving all three brothers but mainly focused on Nick.
I heard the sirens before I saw three fire trucks followed by an ambulance. I remember walking to the door looking where they were going. The commotion was something new for our neighborhood. That’s when I saw my best friend crumbled between our yards crying on the ground. I took off running for her as the phone rang in the background, crying before I got there because I knew it had to be bad. I got to her as she kept mumbling, “He’s dead.”
“Sammie, who’s dead?” I questioned her trying to get her to tell me what was going on. I could hear my parents behind me whispering, they knew. “Sammie, tell me.” I pleaded through my sobs.
She looked at me and whispered, “Nick.”
My heart cracked into a million pieces and my breathing stopped as I crumbled to the ground taking in what she said. Nick was Sammie’s boyfriend of three years and my boyfriend’s little brother. My parents ran to me as I saw Sammie’s rushing to us too. They were trying to calm us down, but their own tears were enough to know that there was no calming us down.
“I need to be with Joe.” I stated getting up walking towards the house attempting to stop my tears enough so I could drive the block to his house. One block, forty-five seconds driving distance and about five minutes walking, that’s how fast I could get there. I began searching for my phone. I found it beside my keys and my bag ready for when Joe and I were leaving later for the beach. I grabbed them and took a deep breath willing myself to stop crying, failing miserable as another sob shook itself out.
“Andi, I’ll drive.” My dad said grabbing my keys from me and helping Sammie and I into the car. I looked at my phone, thirty-five missed calls from Joe. My dad got us there in twenty-five seconds. We pulled up to his neighbors’ houses because of the fire trucks and ambulance blocking his house. I spotted Joe sitting on the side of the house hiding from the commotion, or attempting to. His head was in between his knees and he was crying, I could tell by the way his shoulders were shaking. Once my car door slammed his head jerked up and he stood up walking toward me. I dropped my bag and cell phone in the yard as I ran towards him crashing into his chest holding onto him for dear life.
“Andi, he’s…” He trailed off as sobs broke free.
“I know, baby, I know.” I whispered attempting to calm him down some way. “C’mon.” I said lacing our fingers pulling him towards our place, the place we both went when we needed to get away. We walked down the trail the only sounds were our feet along the path. We made it to the clearing in the middle of the trees and we both sat down. We just sat there, talking wasn’t necessary because the sounds of our tears were enough. I looked at Joe from the corner of my eye. His tears had stopped but he was lost in a sea of emotions. “Joe?” I whispered, hoping he would answer my unasked question, how?
His head turned to me, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked like a mess. “I don’t know. He just didn’t wake up.” He whispered back allowing a few tears to make fresh trails on his cheeks, before he quickly wiped them away.
We sat there again in silence, just listening to everything. I could hear the sirens descending in the background. I looked around and saw that the sun was moving behind us meaning we had been back here for a while. I stood up and looked down at Joe, “We should probably head back.”
He looked at me and nodded, “Yeah.” I started towards the path before he stopped me, “Andi, I love you.” He said pulling me into his chest. He hugged me close to him and held on as if I was leaving him behind.
“Joe, I love you too.” I said pulling back to give him a kiss. After we parted we walked towards the house. As we got closer I could see a bunch of people on the deck. They were all talking and laughing but the feeling of lost hung in the air. I spotted a hair of curls like Nick’s but much more tamed. “Kevin!” I yelled dropping Joe’s hand and running towards him.
“Andrea!” He laughed as he was picking me up and spinning me around.
“Kev, you’ve been gone so long.” I mused as he sat me down.
“I know, December was the last time I saw you. I just wish I didn’t have to see you under these terms.” He whispered. “How’s he doing?” He asked looking at Joe who was hugging Sammie.
“I'm not sure, he hasn’t said much. You know, Joe, he’ll talk when he’s ready.”
“Yeah,” Kevin said simply. “I'm going to go talk to him.” He walked over and pulled Joe into him. I watched them both breakdown with each other, their strong personas crumbling and latching onto each other for any moral support. They were latched onto each other for a few minutes before they broke apart looking at each other simply nodding.
We all gathered on their deck and started telling stories about our pasts like we had so many times before, except one looming thought, Nick wasn’t here. Quickly story time became Nick story time.
“Andi, remember when Nick would go around telling everyone you and Joe were dating?” Kevin laughed at the memory.
“Ugh, yes.” I said laughing. “I would get so mad at him.
I was sitting in the Jonas’ den with Joe, we had just finished our homework and were watching The Legends of the Hidden Temple when his little brother came in.
“Joey!” He said with his mess of curls covering his eyes. “Andi’s your girlfriend?”
“Ew, Nick.” I said in disgust. “Joe is not my boyfriend. I like Justin from NSYNC, duh!”
Joe’s cheeks flushed and sent Nick out of the room.
This would proceed to happen every time I was around Joe and Nick.
“Joe is not my boyfriend I like Justin from NSYNC.” Joe mimicked my eleven-year-old self.
“Joe you forgot the infamous duh.” Kevin added.
“Oh shut it you two.” I said crossing my arms over my chest.
“You know you love me.” Joe said pulling me close to his chest and covering my arms with his.
“Yeah, I do.” I said relaxing in his arms. “Oh, remember when he came to us when he wanted to ask Sammie out?” I asked giggling.
“Oh, that was good.”
Joe and I were in his room trying really hard to do our homework and not make out when the newly thirteen-year-old Nick busted in.
“I need your help.”
“Oooookay,” Joe dragged out. “With what?”
“I want to ask Sammie to the dance.” Nick said blushing profusely.
“Um, you’re thirteen, don’t girls still have cooties for you?” Joe asked.
“Joe? Seriously? We’ve been dating since we were thirteen” I questioned him.
“Yeah, but your cooties are special. They weren’t like other girls.”
I rolled my eyes at the boy in front of me before turning to Nick. “So, just ask her.” I gave my advice.
“But, what if she says no?”
“She’s one of my best friends, Nick, she won’t.” I promised.
“And I didn’t.” Sammie said smiling. “I never could. I love him more than the world itself.” She said starting to cry again marking the end of Nick story time.
The timing became perfect as my parents walked outside. “Alright everyone, let’s head out. The Jonas’ need sometime alone.” My dad said handing me my bag that I had long forgotten.
My mom led a crying Sammie to the car as everyone departed and Kevin went inside leaving Joe, my dad and me on the deck. “Daddy, go ahead I’ll be right there.” I assured him. Once he was out of earshot I looked over at Joe. “If you need me tonight or anytime just call me, okay?”
“I know. You too, I know you’re hurting too.” He said being selfless again.
“Maybe, but I'm more worried about your right now.”
“Don’t be. Neither of us should be worried, we’ve got the best angel in the world looking after us now.” He said smiling a real smile for the first time all day.
“You’re right.” I said hugging him. “Love you.” I said before pulling away.
“Love you too.” He said before watching me walk away.
Once I was home I was scared to look in my room, the memories of all of four of us surfaced every inch of my room with pictures, stuffed animals, forgotten hoodies. All leading back to Nick.
“Andrea?” My mom said behind me.
“Denise asked if you could right something for the funeral. Nick always looked up to you for those skills and they want you to do him the honor.”
“Okay.” I said walking into my room sitting down at my laptop I began writing.Three Days Later
“Now, we’re going to have a friend of Nick’s come up and read something she prepared for us.” The pastor said.
I stood up after giving Joe’s hand a simple squeezed as I went up to the podium. I looked around at Nick’ family and friends and took a deep breath.
“Mr. and Mrs. Jonas asked me to write something that would honor Nick. I did it in a way that I know Nick would like. I hope everyone sees what I wrote in a way for us all to remember to him.
Today we lay to rest someone that has forever changed our lives. Nicholas Jonas was a treasure to our lives and the time we’ve had with him will never be as long as what we should have had. Nick was a son, a brother, a boyfriend, a best friend, a teammate, a band mate, and a walking angel around us. Now, he’s moved on to bigger and greater things and he’s waiting for us to join him, but until then we have so many memories.
Nick was always my best friend’s little brother when we were younger and as we got older he became my friend and even luckier my writing partner. It was never a surprise to find Nick and I huddled around a notebook with a guitar close by. We would spend hours on end trying to finish a song that we started, with much discretion from Sammie and Joe of course. He never gave up on me when I wanted to escape to be with Joe, he always knew I’d be back to finish. He was something special all right.
He was sarcastic, but knew when not to be. He was funny, yet serious. He was musical and quite the baseball player too. He was the son every family wanted, and at the same time so much like every son a family did not want. He was professional, yet rough around the edges. Nick was perfect in our eyes and we were in his. I would not want to picture Nick anything unlike the way I see him now.
Nick, left behind two wonderful parents. Mr. and Mrs. Jonas you raised a gem unlike any other. He is going to be forever missed and loved by his three brothers Frankie, Kevin, and Joe. Frankie, you always looked up to Nick, I hope you continue to do so. He was proud of everything you did and what you will do. Kevin, Nick looked up you to you like Frankie did Nick. He watched and analyzed ever move you did. He was sure to correct you when you did wrong and praise you when you did right. Be careful what you do, because he’s still analyzing. Joe, you were Nick’s world. I cannot picture a memory of you that doesn’t involve Nick in some way, shape, or form. Nick would drop his guitar to be by your side and he would not do that for anyone. You found yourself annoyed with his following antics eventually, but soon enough you realized that Nick was your world too. Do not lose your world because we love you for what you have become by Nick being at your side. Nick loved you and I love you. Nick also left behind the love of his life, Sammie. Sammie, I'm telling you this because Nick was planning on telling you himself. He loved you more than anything around him. Each song was written for you, each homerun was ran for you, each laugh, smile, tear they were all for you.
So today I'm asking all of you not to cry because we lost Nick but to smile because of all the times he has made us smile.
I looked up at everyone and they were all smiling. “Thanks.” I said before stepping down. The church
erupted in applause as I sat down. I looked up and smiled.
“I'm smiling for you.” I whispered as Joe pulled me close to his side.Alrighty, a lot of this was based on some true things that have happened in my life. I hope everyone enjoyed this. I'm sorry it was so sad. Leave me some love?